Studies have shown that sex and money are two of the leading causes for divorce, but statistics don’t always tell the whole story. We reached out to a handful of top relationship therapists to find out what the #1 problem they come across in couples. And believe it or not, neither sex nor money came up once.
Of course, relationships are complex and complicated, and no two marriages are the same. But each expert immediately rattled off a super common—and often extremely reparable—issue they see arise again and again and again.
Whether you’re a year into matrimonial bliss or celebrating a decade of wedlock, you’ll benefit big-time from this romance wisdom. In fact, you don’t even have to be hitched to learn a thing or two about love.
You’re bad at communicating.
“The number one problem—though I prefer the word challenge—in marriage is indeed effective communication,” said psychotherapist Laura Young. “This includes how to argue with your spouse and not threaten to leave the relationship during a fight, as well as how to recognize—perhaps remember—that the annoying behaviors you feel are now intolerable have probably always been there. Perhaps you even felt they were adorable at one point.”