I’m pretty sure monogamy was never for me. In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend. Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest. But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. I hurt people, and it felt so wrong. It was so wrong.
After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. That’s when I met Adam on OkCupid. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be. We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other’s favorite. It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other.
In July of 2012, we began an open relationship. And since then I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we make it work and why we would even do that in the first place. I get that it can be hard for a lot of people to understand. But it works for us, and it’s not as unusual as it seems. Here are some of the most common questions I get.